Ouch! Understanding & Navigating Challenging Behaviors
As both a speech-language pathologist and a mom, I've faced my fair share of challenging behaviors from children. One behavior that has caught me off guard is face grabbing. The first time it happened to me, I was taken aback and didn't know how to react. Then experiencing this action from my own daughter brought about a new perspective and personal challenge.
It is startling and even painful when a child grabs your face, yet it's important to understand that behaviors often serves a purpose. They occur because someone may not know the more expected or appropriate way to communicate what they want or need.
Children may grab faces for a variety of reasons. They may be seeking attention, trying to communicate a need or desire, or simply exploring the world around them. As caregivers, it's up to us to try to understand what message the child is trying to convey and address it accordingly.
Over time, with experience as a clinician and through situations with my own daughter, I've learned some effective strategies to manage this and other challenging behaviors.
Staying calm and composed is key. When a child grabs your face, it can be tempting to react strongly, negatively, or with a big reaction. This only reinforces the behavior and makes it worse. Attention is attention even negative attention can feel good and exciting to kids. Instead, try to stay calm and redirect the child's focus to something else, like a toy or a different activity. Sometimes providing an alternative movement, phrase, or even song can help.
Teach appropriate touch. Children may not realize that face grabbing is not an acceptable form of touch, so taking the time to teach them about appropriate touch can be helpful. Demonstrate alternative forms of touch, like a high five or a gentle pat on the back or arm.
Use social stories. Social stories are a great tool for teaching children about appropriate behaviors in a way that's easy for them to understand. Lots of pictures or videos and a variety of examples of different situations can help show a clear demonstration of how the child can communicate their feelings and get the desired response they may be looking for.
Model the language for that moment. A child may be expressing frustration, disappointment, or maybe even intense feelings of love. Model the language that can be used in those moments. For example, “I feel mad” or “I love you” or “I want to play with you!”
Keep your language simple. During these moments of heightened emotions, try not to use too many words. Too much language can increase stress, add to confusion, or even be overwhelming. Keep it concise, direct, calm, and simple. When in doubt, don’t explain things just model what you would actually say in a short 2–4-word phrase.
If the behavior persists or becomes more severe, seeking professional help from an SLP can be beneficial and is always an option.
Managing challenging behaviors can be tough, but with patience, consistency, and the right tools, it's possible to help children learn appropriate behaviors and communicate their needs in a more effective way. We can help them grow through these challenging moments and we can all learn from them along the way.